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That inconsequential little reflex bound me to her for the rest of my life. My heart swelled, I got tears in my eyes, and I lost my voice. Beth beamed at my reaction to our daughter. Two days later I brought Beth and Alyssa home. Alyssa was a very good baby, her feedings and diaper changes were routine with no unpleasant surprises or drama. She even slept most of the night so that nether Beth or I walked around like zombies due to lack of sleep. It was a good thing that Alyssa was such a good baby, because I spoiled her rotten. She would be sleeping when I got home from work and I would pick her up. Beth warned me that she had just gotten Alyssa to sleep and that she didn’t need to be held. Maybe the baby didn’t need to be held but I needed to hold her. After all I had been away from her all day. Beth understood my feelings and didn’t get upset or jealous. She understood that the loss of my parents had something to do with my, well obsession, with Alyssa. Taking care of the baby in. ‘So do I.’ We’re in the same grade, but don’t have any classes together. St. John’s Academy is a large school, there are three campuses in the city, two for day students and this one for boarders. My parents travel as part of their job, my mother is a field producer for a news channel and my father is a musician. Their jobs don’t leave much time for parenting, so I’ve been at St. John’s since second grade. I spend holidays with my aunt in upstate New York. Summers I used to travel with my dad’s band. This year I’ll probably head home, eighteen is old enough to stay in L.A. by myself for eight weeks without getting in trouble. Maybe. ‘Look,’ I say, exasperated now. Her presence grates on my nerves. The sight of her. The smell. Lavender and bubblegum and alcohol – one of those Victoria’s Secret bodysprays. It clings to her, just like those baby blue leggings she wears under an oversized Playboy baseball t-shirt. She spends more time in the gym than I do, her figure slim and curvy at.
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